failson | ic spam

you don't seem horny and desperate. i'm horny and desperate so i'd know. i don't think it's bad or gross or horny or desperate to want to have sex. it's in our nature to crave touch and intimacy.

You're horny and desperate? You could have anyone you wanted here.

i know and it's never enough these days.

It's hard living in a secret government dome.

where everyone is your coworker and you see them every day and sometimes they are also your neighbor.

sal's fine with me sleeping around, i should've prefaced. we're a thing but his powers kill me and i'm actually really into it but it's also turning me into a demon.

all that's to say: let's get out of the station more often. it doesn't have to be anywhere sleazy. (unless you want it to be.)

I tried to hit on Eustacia Dodge at the art show and I still haven't lived that down.

Can't you two do that Pushing Daisies thing where you make out through plastic wrap or something?

I worry that I would just cramp your style. I've been too isolated for too long and it's made me too weird.

1. eustie's a hot commodity in the tech divisions.

2. the barrier's thin so i doubt it but i'd like to try.

3. good thing i go to weird places where i can meet other weird people. you'll fit in. just start infodumping about a hobby and they'll love you.

Oh, Eustie destroyed me. I'm never doing that again.

You could do parallel play, but it's jerking yourselves off in the same location?

I accidentally started telling some guy at the party about Anne Rice, so I don't know if that's going to work for me.

now i crave that tea.

~~i think he's~~ [...] we could. but he wants to take it slow and i don't mind. i really like him.

are you an anne rice fan or were you just nervously babbling because it was your costume?

I tried to impress her by climbing the furniture to turn the security system off, and I got electrocuted and blacked out and dislocated my arm, and now it's a whole... thing. She covered me with a sheet like I died. I still can't look her in the eye. It was really stupid. I saw her in the hall yesterday and she said "haha, oh boy"—nothing else! What is that supposed to mean anyway?

You should do whatever you both feel comfortable with! He's a really nice guy and he clearly likes you a lot.

I used to be until I posted some horny fanfiction as a teen and got a cease and desist from her lawyers.

oh, god, that was you. i thought that was C++ keith.

Yes! It was me! I wish I'd just died for real!!!

oh my god... i've been spreading rumors that it was c++ keith. nobody can know the truth.

I hope everyone believes you! It's the straightest thing I've ever done. 🤢

THAT'S WHY I'VE BEEN TELLING EVERYBODY IT WAS C++ KEITH. okay, this is good. i already have a control on the narrative. i've been swearing up and down it was keith's ass.

... i was also kind of distracted, though.

oh god do we have to gaslight eustie? i think she'll be cool. i think she hates keith.

Edited 2023-11-05 04:12 (UTC)

I think she was drunk. Maybe I can pretend I wasn't there.

you had an ibs flair up. it's believable because nobody would volunteer that information willingly unless they shit so much, it's just a fact of life. you're an innocent man with a sensitive tummy and you were excited to go but you couldn't make it.

Oh, you are good.

i know.

how's your tummy feeling today?

SO bad. Tummy trouble city.

oh my poor baby. is the stress from these accusations messing with your gi tract?

If only C++ Keith would just come clean.

it's too much to expect C++ keith to be honest but at least we know the truth. maybe it's just time we all let it go and move on. he's just human, after all.

Better luck next time C++ Kevin.

so anyway, let's go shopping tomorrow.

Edited (forgot it was already saturday lmfao) 2023-11-05 20:18 (UTC)

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